need another drink. this is the easiest way
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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