dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And then he peed in my hair
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