Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
