The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
