are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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