So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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