Can i not drive my cunt home
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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