ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
