i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
