Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
