yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
