Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
