I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
