Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
