This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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