That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
