i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
