If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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