Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
