I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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