Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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