it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize