im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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