I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
