she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There r osticjed everywhere
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize