some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
