I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
