im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
