The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
