she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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