we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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