Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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