Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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