He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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