No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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