I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
