Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Success! We fucked roommates!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
