I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
