I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
