i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Damn victory sex feels great
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