mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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