if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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