He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
