Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
