wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
