"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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