my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
