if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
