Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
