i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
