If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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