the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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