Umm I'm too high to move.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
