Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
