I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
