That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
