omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize