You can't motorboat a personality
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
