He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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