there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
