You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
