you traded sex for a burrito?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
