Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
