who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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