I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
