So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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