Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize