Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize