I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
