She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
