I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
