At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
