We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I came so hard my ears popped.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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