i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
