That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
