Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
