i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
