Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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