Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
