they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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