I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
