Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this beer tastes like vomit already
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
