and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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