He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
