I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize