wrigley field is MILF paradise
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
