You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
