Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize