How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
