STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
