Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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