New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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