i just google imaged poop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
