Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My penis needs a shock collar
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
