One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
