whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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